“So, anybody want a fluffy, white husky that is ridiculously adorable?”
Every single one of my childhood fantasies of owning my own noble husky while being the envy of the town mushing around in the cooliest of sleds flashed before my eyes.
“I bet this dog is amazing, well trained, compassionate, and is just as excited about dragging my lazy butt around on a sled as I am. She will love me, respect me, and be my best friend”.
If I had only known that I would end up with something more like this.
My fingers involuntarily started to move themselves across the keyboard as I wrote back to my friend about my interest in adopting the dog. I have no memory of what happened after March 13th until A-Day (adoption day) on April 3rd. A day that will live in infamy.
I found myself at the owner’s house. In front of me sat the most adorable white eyelashes and daring blue eyes I had ever seen. They burned into my heart as my subconscious took over:
Compulsive Decision Brainwave: ZOMG, adopt this dog now. LOOK AT THOSE EYELASHES.
Reasonable Thinking Brainwave: You already have an 80 pound Akita who outsmarts you on a daily basis and a retarded cat who is still able to do the same. You can barely dress yourself in the morning. You work a full time job and you live in a city. For the love of all that is good, do not adopt this dog.
Compulsive Decision Brainwave: I'm sorry, what were you saying? I couldn't hear you over HOW CUTE THOSE EYELASHES ARE. DID YOU SEE HER BLUE EYES?!
Reasonable Thinking Brainwave: She is a puppy and she is going to need training, vet visits, and all your free time. She isn't house trained, she pulls on the leash, and she jumps on people to say hi. Look at her right now. As we're speaking, she is eating sticks and rocks off the ground. I think she just ingested a stick whole. SHE IS EATING FOLIAGE. Walk away, slowly.
Compulsive Decision Brainwave: What? Well, whatever you were saying I’m sure wasn’t important. By the way, we just adopted the puppy while you were rambling on about irrelevant drivel.
Reasonable Thinking Brainwave: WTF?!
As I snapped out of my Me, Myself, and I moment, I realized I had a leash in my hand, extra leftover puppy food, a kennel, and the previous owners were saying "good luck and take care!". I couldn’t breathe for a second so I stared down at the puppy and she stared back at me knowingly. Her eyes screamed "you will never sleep again" and I swear… she smirked.
I numbly drove home, still not understanding the magnitude of my decision. I brought the puppy to my house in Dracut to introduce her to my family. As I let her out of my SUV, the consequences of my decision became clear. The puppy was not the stoic sled dog that I had envisioned in my childhood fantasy. Rather, she resembled a demon on a leash, twisting in her harness and making indescribable leaps in the air to try and free herself. Her entire body was quickly tangled in the leash with no possible way out. She gnawed at her nylon restraints and I pathetically tried to corral her like an old and out-of-shape cowboy herding a cat.
Oh God. What have I done?
After an hour long introduction with my family, the puppy and I made our way home to Maine. Thankfully, a friend helped me get her to the apartment from my car. In the next 4 hours, my mind reeled. She tried to jump on the kitchen counter top which was adorned with a knife, eat her harness (which she later accomplished), taste the cat, and chew up some of the floor boards. She managed to piss all over my taxes and bite through a brand new $75 leash like butter. She saw commands like “no” as a challenge to top her last menacing act with something more outrageous.
I called upon whatever adoption God there was and begged for mercy. I attempted to feed and water her in her kennel, but she found it much more entertaining smashing the ceramic bowl and flipping her water over effectively drenching herself in the process.
I raised my white flag and thought it best to simply go to bed to sleep off the massive headache that I was starting to feel.
When I finally managed to put her in her kennel, I shut off the light and started to leave the room to head to my own bed. All of a sudden, where a pure and honest creation from the devil once sat, a heart broken and entirely small puppy was left. She started to cry, howl, and whine mercilessly. Her loneliness cut through the air so sharply that it broke my heart and my eardrums simultaneously. Partly deaf, I opened her kennel door. She jumped into my arms and I carried her to my bed. Only a minute later, she snuggled up to my face and promptly fell asleep nuzzling my chin.
Now, I had realized what I had done. I adopted a white tornado that completely attacked and forcibly changed my idea of what a neat, orderly, and calm life I should have. I, for all intensive purposes, adopted chaos. All the problems of the day melted away and I instantly confirmed I had made one of the best decisions of my young life.
Welcome home Minnie, the pure bred Siberian Husky Demon.
